We sent our roving news reporter along to report from E3, but he was way too lazy and decided to wait until after the event and just report on the reports from OTHER news reporters instead. He saved us a lot of money. So here’s what he came up with.

E3 news from the field

E3 saw the announcement of several new hardware platforms which are certain to revolutionise gaming once again. Microsoft however decided their Kinect motion camera system had revolutionised quite enough already and plan to just keep on making games for that.

Nintendo Wiiuu

Nintendo have noticed that gamers are increasingly becoming large Americans and so recognised they needed to create a controller suited to them. The Wiiuu places a 6.8” touchscreen between each of your enormous hands and allows you to play games while you’re playing other games without your opponent knowing.

We tracked down noted game designer Savid Dirlin to ask for his thoughts on the possiblities of the system:
“I am extremely excited for the Wiiuu and the multiple levels of side-by-side Yomi it allows. I’m currently toying around with multi-dimensional fighting games where you simultaneously play 2 or more matches in parallel on your controller, out of sight of your opponent. Then you can collapse the game down into one and probabilistically Yomi the shit out of your opponent. They won’t even know what hit them! The Wiiuu will also be perfect for my new range of computerised card game systems”.

As you can see, there’s a lot to look foward to on the new Nintendo Wiiuu system. You can also pretend that you’re making ambulance noises while saying the name.

Sony Play Station Veto

Sony have been in the limelight recently for their cunning 6-week long advertising run where they faked a security breach with millions of PSNsubscribers’ credit card details escaping into the evil clutches of computer users, with Sony righteously taking down their services and telling everyone ‘Sorry’ in a way that makes them want to buy the new hand held console, the Sony Play Station Veto. The Veto features more cores than an average orchard, several cameras capable of covertly uploading pictures of you to the internet no matter where you put it, and touch screens on both the front AND back.

We asked Savid Dirlin his thoughts on the Veto as well.
“The Sony Veto is the perfect system for an amazingly Yomi-licious fighting game. I’ve just patented a game design which utilises the opposing dual touch screens – you use the back touchscreen to input commands which are what the opponent sees on his screen. This is however a cunning ruse, because simultaneously you use the front controls to input your REAL commands which are what your character actually performs. The display on the back of YOUR controller shows what you are really performing, so the opponent has to make the decision to either look at the back of your controller which reflects reality, or his own, which does not. It’s like a double blind guessing game where you have the option of seeing what’s going on!”
The Veto also is the first handheld to include the most desired feature amongst fighting gamers in the past decade: dual analog sticks.

edit: Upon further investigation, the PS Veto has only ONE touchscreen, the touchpad on the back in fact does not display anything. We’re frankly surprised Savid Dirlin made such an error, but are sad (as you surely are) that his patent will likely fall through and his vision is not going to come to fruition. The reporter has been forced to only post on GPforums until he repents and promises to check his facts more solidly next time.

E3 also had a few fighting game announcements.

Street Fighter 33 1/3: Online Strike

The next entry in the Street Fighter saga, based on the name it’s either a parody or Capcom have finally decided to count all the Supers and Hypers and Turbos as separate numbered releases. But if it is a joke, Capcom seemed pretty serious about it. SF33OS has some kind of new online code called PPGO which I believe stands for Potentially Pretty Good Online, and if that’s the case there are going to be some happy fighting gamers because so far online play in other games has been a mess. You can put your replays in a tube too, which is something everyone’s been waiting for. It also has Chun Li on the virtual box art. It’s out soonish.

Street Fighter xx Tekken

Street Fighter and Tekken embrace in an awkward hug in this upcoming game for every platform you have. Current gameplay videos show a bizarre mixture of Tekken characters envisaged by developers who know nothing about Tekken, and Street Fighter characters as seen by developers who can’t get a Street Fighter game right. A camera that couldn’t be harder to watch if it was mounted using only a rubber band, irritatingly long combos and low damage combine to make a game that is sure to keep you clawing the controller until time is up, time and time again.

BlazBlue Continual Shift 2: PlusPlus

Didn’t this just come out for the Play Station Portable?

Super Street Fighter 4: Anniversary Edition

This brand new entry in the Super Street Fighter 4 series comes on the 6th month anniversary of the previous arcade release, and contains several new features like intentional unbalancing and the disappearance of all the characters that aren’t from Hong Kong. The claim is that Capcom are hearkening back to the days when games were simpler and that choosing characters and stages is too hard these days. This reporter thinks that Capcom’s notorious racial stereotyping has just gone too far. Luckily it’s being released on the PC, so some guy on the internet is sure to make a better version of the game anyway.

King of Fighters XIII

SNK attempted to tell the audience that this game will finally be released in October but the crowd shushed them to talk about things people actually are interested in. I think I saw a tear roll down the SNK representative’s cheek. He was not wearing shoes.

So that concludes NZism’s initial coverage from E3. As you can see, there’s a lot to look out for in the near future! What do you guys think of the various announcements? Excited for the Veto? Can’t wait to play Street Fighter Hugs Tekken? Leave your comments below!

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